There was no white light

It's still crystal clear. We were at a marching band competition in Massillon Ohio, nearly 3 hours from our house. I was hanging out on the top of a hill, waiting for band awards to end and the marching band to come over for dinner. We had pizza, soda, fruit and other snacks for the kids and support team, and I was the guy guarding the chow and the picnic grove.

As I walked down the hill toward the car, it came over me. Right in the middle of my chest. It wasn't bone-crushing hurt, but enough that I couldn't think of anything else. Panic and troubled breathing. I tried to sit down, lay down, nothing worked. I thought it was maybe a bad case of heartburn from our lunch, but something told me this was more serious.

I popped open the cell and called Bruce. He's another band helper (Pit Dad) and we had just traded numbers not 2 hours earlier. He answered and I told him I was having chest pains and could he get over to the picnic area. Not 30 seconds later I see him barreling down the hill like a fullback. He took one look and called 911. He found a couple aspirin which I took, and set me beside a tree.

It could not have been more than 2 minutes until the first responders arrived. They quickly put a portable EKG on my chest, and started the interview process. Maybe 3 minutes later the ambulance arrived and off we went to the local Affinity hospital ER. On the way, the guys gave me a Nitro tablet and started the IV. By the time the ambulance pulled up at the hospital, much of the pain had gone away.

Once we hit the ER, things moved very quickly. A hundred questions: No, I didn't take cocaine. No, I don't smoke. Another IV started in the right arm. The specialists were pointing at the first remote EKG strip, and they could tell exactly where the problem was. Something about an artery.

Lots of noise and confusion. Then: nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Like someone turned off all the lights, sound and sensation.

No white lights, no out of body, just nothing.

Then: all the switches came back on at once: hearing, vision, sensation. I had no idea where I was for a bit, not accustomed to seeing ceiling tiles and faces. Then it came back to me and I realized where I was...but not what had happened. I thought I had passed out.

It was a bit more than that. I am told I flatlined twice in the ER, within about 5 minutes of each other. That team knew exactly what to do, and to my great gratitude, did it well. I still have some tender spots from the paddles, but I'm really not complaining.

I don't know why it happened to me. I'm 46. I'm pretty healthy, slightly overweight, and I run 10 miles a week. I'm a blood donor and have strong vitals. I don't have a strong family history of heart disease. But my artery plugged up and the result was a heart attack and 3 cardiac arrests in one day.

This is obviously a significant life event. Other than the three "reboots" and the discomfort of the treatment and recovery, I don't feel all that different. But that by itself is the miracle. How a heart can be restarted and the body and brain picks up and can keep going is truly amazing. It is possible because I was in a place and with people who could treat me as soon as it happened. Had I not been in the hospital when my heart stopped, it would have been much worse. My brain and heart did not suffer for lack of Oxygen for very long, so I had even my short term memory after I came back.

But I know things will change. I have an injured heart. I will have limits where there were none before. I have to back off on some of the stuff I do. I have to get my affairs in order: a will and more. Time to grow up I guess.

I'm home. I can't thank enough the medical professionals, close friends, family, clergy and co-workers who offered support and concern for my family. It was a very rough few days, more I think for my wife and daughters and family than for me. Believe me, I thank each of you for caring.

I don't know where this blog will go. It's more for my own good to document my thoughts and journey into cardiac recovery than for any other purpose. If you find it to be useful, or if it persuades you to get a checkup or change a lifestyle, then it will be good for more than my personal therapy.

Here's a photo that I asked my wife to take of me today, as I was released from the hospital. Note the Halloween decorations in the yard off to the right. That wasn't intentional, but I'm real glad to be standing in front of the fake graveyard at this point.